Listed

Another name on the list.
One more heart amiss.
Scathingly, to false sorrow you admit,
for parting only brings new tomorrows.
I can fathom not what you think.
Is your mind the master of its will?
Deeply besotted in your ways,
saturation leaves me disheartened.
Somewhere deeply imprinted inside,
a scar that you may’nt identify;
The only proof that you were here.
Memories can be doctored,
all evidences tampered,
but this fail-safe method,
the fit of your words to my own,
Assails any shallow sense of victory.

Scope for more

It hadn’t even been 6 months, she could tell him like the back of her hand. Standing at the door, watching him through the glass. Every flick of the eyebrow, the way he shifted his gaze, how easy it was to tell what he was thinking when he rubbed his knuckles that particular way.

Two months ago, she wondered how difficult it would be, a new place, the adjustments and the change in lifestyle. So many people to get familiar with, it was truly mind-boggling. Thank goodness for him! He definitely made life easier; took her through everything step by step and even guided her where she needed help.

Now, the weight fell lightly on her shoulders. In fact, she believed it was time she took on more. She drew in a deep breath, knocked and said, “Hi Boss, I was wondering if we could review my profile. I believe there is scope for more!”

Evolving

there is definitely a pattern to evolution.

each generations gleans from the mistakes of the former. yet there is always space for more mistakes. as you undo mistakes of yore, the threads are so vastly complicated that you invariably step on a few toes.

our forefathers would always fires fires in open spaces. the next generation discovered ways to control the great flame. us, we have redefined it's usage, method of creations and at times, even form of creation.

In the process we loose a bit of our former selves, paving way a species that is different in thought, form and communication from it's very own origin.

Wandering, wondering...

It is a strange zone, this. I wait in anticipation. A few sentences wait in the wings. When they show themselves, they could change my world...or not.

Oh how it does bear down on me, like a faulty leak in my mind. Am I in or am I out? Up until last evening I wanted in. Now I'm no longer sure.

How do I know if it's all a terrible mistake? I was just thinking a while back, pondering over how we have so many options and dreams.

I wish life were a jigsaw puzzle and each dream or wish a part of it. That way I could flip the pieces around a bit and figure out what's amiss.

Am I working towards who I'm destined to be? Do I even believe in destiny? Am I throwing caution to the wind or was I meant to fly this way.

I always thought I decided about me. Increasingly, to my dismay, it is not that way. There are simply too many strings attached. I give it hard thought. I've never known life in any other way.

It's tempting I must say, to break free and steal away. Far from this high strung and intrinsically wired spectacle that has come to replace my life.

So easy to judge; so difficult to open up,learn and accept. Stereotypes and preconceived notions have taken over everyday life.

Snake-charmer's politics

Dad was expecting a high profile drama arrest last evening. Varun Gandhi claims that the ‘statements’ aired are but fragments of his original speech. Never-the-less Lalu was up-in-arms and in full defense of the hindus. Each is said to have gone to the extreme proclamation of cutting off body parts if such a cause arises.

For the longest time we ended up switching between Mayawati’s political moves and Sharad Pawar’s ‘tight-rope’ balancing act. It is indeed amusing to watch the struggle for power. Made me wonder if any of them remember the original reason why we opted for democracy. It merely seems to be a power game, about who’s on top and how to dethrone them.

Campaign manifestos are but bells and whistles in the tussle to gain political clout. Bills and laws merely aid in gaining more points on the political mileage meter. There are no trusted allies and definitely never any out and out enemies.

It’s a delicate dance around the gold pile; and it’s not for betterment of the voters. T'is but a snake-charmer's politics, led by the tunes of the power-hungry.

Randomly sloppy, inanely nutty

I stayed late, again. It doesn't matter 'cause after six thirty my mind stops working.

Did not carry lunch today. Forgot that little fact just at lunchtime.

A dull headache steps up post work hours and won't stop till I get home and gorge on dark chocolate plus strawberry fruit.

What a day. I have one trip coming up this weekend, two at the end of the month and one possibly at the very beginning of next month. Phew!

Coordinating parents, stealthy trips and work trips! What a juggle!!! In the midst of it all work hits me smack in the face. But it's not as bad as I anticipated. My job list was not picked up.

Now a two day old creation, it lies about languidly in my files, updating itself when a new one is added or an existing, finished. Reminds me to call and pester those who can actually finish the work assigned.

A languorous few months, no attention to that which has been pending for long. So long that it doesn’t matter anymore.

The day it does, I will finish it and flee the scene.

No stock of the D80. The next options are either twice my budget or not quite as semi-professional as I’d like ‘em.

I keep wondering after what could have been. Can it still be? Of what use is design, if it can not free.

A slack-jawed mind on Thursday eve. The only accompaniments are dinner and these alphabetized keys.

Chic-lit

Chic-lit is definitely the best kind of read, considering that any reading I get to do these days is very interrupted. These pick-me-up books, fraught with much drama, emotions and inane amounts of detail, make for a fab read ‘cause they connect with every girl at some point.

There’s the wacky working relationships, the too-close-for-comfort family [even the non-existent family makes a reasonable number of appearances] and the gaggle of girls who are also the very best of friends. Despite the ability to rip each other apart, out of sheer exasperation, they come out bright, shiny and headed toward contentment.

Lauren Weisberger’s Chasing Harry Winston is one such good chic-lit read that had me quite absorbed from start to finish. The 3 girls in the middle of it all are quite believable in what they do. Sometimes the urge to laugh along or gasp in shock is just irresistible.

The book is written well and the author makes you feel like you understood the characters just as well as the best friends understood each other. On another level, it’s a relief to read that even in fairy tales, happily-ever-afters are not things you stumble onto, it’s something you make happen.

Chocolate and Steel: Jewellery

Here's a site with some very interesting jewelry. very kitsch and artsy, the designs are quite innovative and fresh...

Chocolate and Steel: *.*.*.*GIVEAWAY*.*.*.*

Of stolen glances, love and companionship.

She'd wait at the stand everyday, looking for just the right seat that'd come her way. The foot-step's a bit too high, but for a glimpse of him, she'd tarry on that way.

Further down the route, he'd wait his turn. Would he see her today? T'was tough to fathom why he felt this way. A strange sort of palpation overcame his being until he saw her, only to turn to a nervous pitter-patter of his insides when their eyes met.

She did not think it was possible, after all that has past, to be so deeply affected by the very sight of him. Waiting to catch that stolen glance, she'd break into a smile so intense, she felt it reach the depths of her soul.

"Is it possible?" they wondered, as they dropped notes in folded kerchiefs. Her's were delicate shades of mauve and beige. His, large, white squares, inlaid with simple cross checks. It was a thrill for each, held close to the face.

Intense route studies were pursued; clocking the accuracy of various transport options, they looked for that perfect home. They found it and their few belongings slowly but rapturously followed.

They fled their respective homes altogether, to stay at with each other at their new home for what's left of forever. It bewildered their children [and grandchildren], how their own mother and father, at this considerably mature and responsible age, could ever behave like teenagers this way.

A Patchwork Quilt

What is a carefree life? Is it one where you have no commitments except to yourself? No parents to ‘report’ to, no siblings to track. Is being care-free about the relationships that one forges, that one must strive to honour through passing time?

If that is so, any contact with another being is a relationship forged. It could be one of recognition, one of trust or something much deeper. No matter where you go, these possibilities will assail you, popping up at the least expected points.

There’s yet another angle, one where you have the backing of family and, possibly, friends. Step out in to the world, blasé and care-free; ‘cause you know you’ve got them to hold you if you fall. You are alone, yet you have company.

It’s cliché but so true, the grass is greener on the other side. When you get there, you see the patches of what was once your side; see the bits that you did not finish and the ones that you’ll miss the most.

It’s always like that I suppose. Life’s like a patchwork quilt, the best pieces look so good ‘cause the duller ones help them stand out. At the end of the day, it’s all about relativity and what you got as opposed to what you expected. If things are going your way, you’d never think to complain. It’s when they’re not that you start looking for that elusive green field on the other side.

I hate fights!

I just hate it when people fight.

Whether it's general, random, "you lightly bumped my car, so I must create a scene" or it's the cat n dog at home, I just HATE fights.

They leave me pondering over the state things have come to. Stupid, insipidly small things kick up a huge ruckus, tearing away at dignity in such a manner that you wonder if the shreds can even be seen.

You could be perfectly normal one minute and completely ballistic the next. It's as though people are only outwardly calm. As though they have a gushing force of brutal angst that simply must burst forth every few hours, to make way for the next.

I can not bear to watch the overt melodrama of certain television series. Is there not enough in our own lives?! Why must we burden ourselves with the worries of a fictional character. The same time and energies, more thoughtfully channeled, can greatly aid better and possibly deeper understanding of those that you live with.

We seem to take it all for granted, "This is after all home, it'll work itself out." If luck does not stand a chance without hardwork, happiness cannot sow it's seeds without understanding.

There's always more than one perspective, so many hats to put on. The next time a fight looms, I could try diffusing it. A little less glare and a little more ear. You can never be too sure of yourself.

Drawing inspiration

In the three years that I traveled by local bus to college and back, there are some incidents that I vividly remember.

There was, of course, the first time experience. Never having traveled by local bus before, I got on with a friend when getting back home after the ‘entrance’ exams. It was exhilarating to watch the road from that height! The bus was relatively empty, so I could feel the rush of the wind on my face.

I once got on to a bus that was full of children, yet so silent. They could communicate only with their hands and facial expressions. Although some even threw in dramatic hand movements, I could not escape the fact that each one of those deaf and dumb child wore such happy smiles. So many conversations were on, yet, when I closed my eyes, I got the feeling that I was standing alone; but I was not lonely.

Often I have fervently wished that I had a camera handy. Such worthy shots, full of emotion whiz by. 3 ‘0’ clock in the afternoon, a mother cradling her child. The ordinariness of features was over-ridden by the sheer love on her face. The play of light only complimented the frame further. My hands itched to get closer, to bask in the reflected glory of that love. Now, it’s shuttered in my memories.

As someone once rightly said, inspiration is found in the strangest places. My 3 years on the bus showed my how the same item can be used differently. It lent fresh perspective on values and valuation. It was the aspect of life, that lent it’s reality to me easily and drew me in for more.

Silences

Silences are such ambiguous things; they mean so many things at once. Silence presents itself in many forms; speech, thought, action, reaction, body language, visual stimuli and much more. One has heard of pregnant pauses, ominous silences, instances "when you say nothing at all"; one has heard most of it all.

Hushed silence preludes one's entrance in to the examination halls, heightening the tension felt. It draws the nerve strings taut and sharpens the memory of some while blanking out that of some others.

Then again there are contemplative silences, those that speak of thought and evaluation. The darting of the eyes, the alertness in the air. Topping my wish list is the one where I buy a house of my own. People with more experience tend to treat this as a parent does their child's demand for a puppy: as a passing phase. A silence of the sort just mentioned descended on the lunch room as the price of a 2BR was announced.

When you are by yourself, not another with you in thought, emotion or physical presence, the silence that envelopes is of a depth and magnitude so deep and vast, that you might feel like either breaking away to find some company [drowning out the 'voices' in your head] or to sit a while more and experience what it must be like to be with yourself.

Omnipresent in its essence, silence can be had in so many ways. Which one will it be next?

Go green!

Recently, the whole hullaboo about the economy falling on it's face it leading to 'cutting costs'. So people get thrown outta jobs, offices empty out and the weak links shutter down.

*~ Did any one consider saving energy and cost on 'everyday' items as one way of cutting costs?

*~ Printing kills trees and adds chemical waste to the environment. Cut down on those email print outs.

*~ Turn off the lights and fans when you leave a room. You think you'll be back in a jiffy, what if you aren't?!!

*~ Scanners are of great help too. Why fax when you can scan!

*~ Use the stairs instead of the elevator [health and age to be accounted for]

*~ Pool with your colleagues on the routes to office. It's surprising how much can be saved while also coordinating better.



These are just some I can think of that can help cut unsuspected costs. Do help me by chipping in!

Thank god for cosmo men

I was at a night club a week back, celebrating a friend's birthday. It was a retro music night of sorts, leading to the presence of a melange of people. Running into firangs these days is quite inevitable. This particular bunch was crowded around a table, doing as we do, talking, laughing and generally hanging out.

Firangs tend to draw attention, being different from us as they are. watch the faces of people who look at them, there are so many thoughts flitting across the room. Some wish they were them, other wonder why they're here. You can see the yearning of some, to have a chance at living abroad.

I caught myself looking at one of them, a guy putting down a beer. Shorts, drab tee and flip-flops. did look like he put much effort in to looking sharp. I could totally envision this fellow, lazing on a couch, watching a sports channel while his partner, looking extremely unkempt, tended to screaming children.

It made me thank my stars, atleast our cosmo men take that little bit of extra effort to look sharp and presentable.

resolved this new year

1. Stay as happy/optimistic as possible
2. Be practical
3. While at work, pretend to myself that its the only thing I know to do
4. Make every day count
5. Never stop asking Questions